


Home is Where the Heart Is

by Wintryone



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Regret, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-04 05:57:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wintryone/pseuds/Wintryone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke and Fenris take the twins on their first long voyage - to Ferelden, with Varric tagging along. While there Hawke meets two men from her past. One a very handsome rogue, the other - the man she was supposed to marry. Ren is a prosperous businessman in Denerim, and his feelings for Mari Hawke are still very much alive. The past and future meet in this tale of a love gone wrong.</p><p>Second companion piece to The Misadventures of Mari Hawke</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS**

**Chapter 1**

Hawke's second trip aboard ship was far more pleasant that her first, no doubt because she shared a comfortable cabin with Fenris and the twins instead of being packed below decks with hundreds of other refugees escaping the Blight. Once they had arrived in Kirkwall, she had erased that first trip from her mind. The conditions had been bad enough, but worse still had been her shared grief with her mother and sister over Carver's death at the hands of that ogre. Since that day, every ogre she had ever killed had been for Carver, and she never tired of killing the blighted creatures. She wondered if Carver was still in the Fade, or if he had finally found his peace and moved on.

The twins had taken to traveling better than she had hoped, and yet there were still challenges – especially with Melody, who like to climb on the ship's railings and peer down at the water rushing below. It was Varric who had finally found a way to keep her from her constant climbing, with a story about a little girl who fell into the sea and turned into a fish. At first Hawke had thought he'd done more harm than good from the way Melody's eyes lit up at the thought of being a fish, but when the story ended with the little girl watching from afar as her family grieved her loss, Melody's dark eyes filled with tears. The rest of that day she never let go of Farrell's hand, much to her brother's consternation.

Today they would dock in Denerim, a city she had not seen for many a long year. Hawke stood with Fenris and the twins on deck, watching as the outline of the shore transformed from a hazy blur to the stark outline of a rocky coast and the tall tower of Fort Drakon. Melody was perched atop her father's shoulders, her arms spread wide.

"Flyin, Papa!" she sang. "Flyin, flyin, flyin!"

For once Farrell did not correct his sister, but instead tugged at Hawke's hand from where he stood next to her, ever the little gentleman. She knelt down to put herself at eye level and asked, "What is it Farrell?"

"Is your Papa here?" he asked her, his serious eyes a mirror of his father's.

She felt tears sting her own eyes as she told him, "No Farrell. My Papa died long ago and he is with the Maker now." Hawke dropped a kiss on his forehead. 'Why do you ask?"

"He told me he was Ferelden," said Farrell, and although he pronounced the last word very slowly and carefully Hawke was again amazed at her son's skill with language at such a young age.

"When did he tell you this?" asked Hawke, confused but also curious.

"While I was sleeping, Mama," replied Farrell. "I like your Papa," he added shyly.

It had been a very long time since Hawke had dreamt of her father, Malcolm Hawke. She'd thought he'd left the Fade with Mother many years ago. Although she was no mage, she'd always had an odd affinity to the Fade, and wondered now if her son did, too. Otherwise how could he remember his dream and express it so well?

Hawke ran a hand over Farrell's mop of blond hair in a soothing caress. "Dreams aren't the same as real life, Farrell," she said.

Farrell nodded sagely. "When I'm sleeping the bunnies have purple wings and they fly."

Hawke laughed and asked him, "Did you see the tiny dragons?"

Farrell's eyes grew wide as he shook his head.

"Maybe next time," she told him with a smile. "Did my Papa say anything else in your dreams?"

Farrell nodded slowly. "He said you were Magic Mari." He placed his small hand on her cheek. "Are you magic, Mama?" he asked.

Tears stung her eyes again as she pulled him into a hug. "Only in how much I love you, my darling," she said.

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

After all this time, Denerim seemed even more crowded, if that were possible. She supposed it had something to do with King Alistair restoring some order to the country. Many Fereldens who'd left during the Blight were slowly but surely returning home as war erupted all over Thedas and Denerim was now more than ever a bustling, prosperous city. Hawke did notice the preponderance of soldiers roaming the streets, however, and she wondered if the King was also preparing for war.

They'd taken lodgings in a small but comfortable little house not far from the Arl of Redcliffe's Estate and the City Market. It had been three years since she'd actually lived in a city and she was having some difficulty adjusting to the constant noise and activity. Fenris, however, seemed completely at his ease as long as they stayed away from the fishmonger.

"Doesn't this bother you?" she asked as they made their way through the throng of people shopping in the City Market. Varric had stayed behind with the twins as they napped.

"You have not been to Minrathous," he said.

"That much worse, is it?" she asked.

"The slave market alone is said to be miles long," he replied.

Hawke shivered. That's not something she wanted to dwell upon on this beautiful, late summer afternoon. She drew his attention to the stands of fruits and vegetables. They needed to stock up the larders of the house.

Fenris was back to wearing his black cloak, the hood drawn up in an attempt to be less conspicuous, but Hawke noticed they were attracting some attention anyway. Even if it weren't for his markings, they would stand out as a mixed couple – elf and human pairings were looked down upon in nearly all places in Thedas, and though she didn't care a fig about what other people thought, but she did care that they not draw too much attention to themselves - there were still the Chantry Seekers to think about.

Fenris moved around the stall to inspect the apples and Hawke was picking through the peaches when she heard a voice call her name.

"Mari?"

Hawke froze. That voice, she knew it. A wash of memory hit her and suddenly she could smell bonfires burning, and hear music and laughter… and in her mind's eye she saw a pair of stormy grey eyes.

Slowly she turned and saw those eyes looking at her in astonishment.

"Mari!" he exclaimed, his voice filled with joy, and suddenly she was in his arms, her feet lifted from the ground as he swung her around in a circle before pulling her close to him. "Mari, Mari," he repeated, his voice choked with strong emotion. "I thought you were lost in the Blight."

For a moment all the years between them were erased, and to be in his arms again was truly like coming home. Ren. Her first love. The man she had planned to wed, whose face and scent and embrace brought back everything wonderful from her childhood in Lothering.

"Ren." She barely had time to speak his name before another voice spoke from behind her. A very growly voice.

"Hawke?"

She could feel her cheeks burning as she began to pull away from Ren, who was resisting her efforts quite emphatically. Hawke tried to turn to Fenris but before she could do so Ren was suddenly frowning and saying, "Is this elf bothering you?"

Uh oh. This wasn't going well.

And then Fenris said, "Remove your hands from my wife," in a rather threatening manner.

Ren looked down at her sharply. "Wife?" he asked.

"Just stop!" Hawke said fiercely, and finally succeeded in removing herself from Ren's tight grip on her person. She stood between the two men and said, in what she hoped was in a calm and reasonable tone, "Ren, meet my husband, Fenris. Fenris, this is Ren, an old friend from my childhood."

The two simply stared at each other in a not so friendly manner. She moved over to Fenris and looped her arm through his in an attempt to normalize the situation, before saying, "It's good to see you, Ren. How have you been?"

Ren's gaze shifted to her and he said, "We were much more than friends, Mari. You were to be  _my_  wife."

Hawke felt Fenris stiffen beside her.

"That was a long time ago," she said to him. "I'm sure you have a wife of your own and a passel of children by now."

Ren looked at her intently. "No," he said. "I have never married."

Fenris said, "We must return home before the twins awake," ignoring Ren completely.

"Home?" Ren asked, and then added, "You're living in Denerim now?"

Hawke was just as glad Ren seemed to have missed the part about twins. A public display in the Market was not a good idea. Hawke glanced at Fenris, who still had not removed his gaze from the other man. "Fenris," she said to get his attention.

He looked down at her, yet his expression remained provoked.

"Perhaps we can invite Ren to dine with us this evening," she said, and her voice was calm but her eyes were speaking to him in their own language. Her eyes told him to trust her, they ask him to indulge her, they promised there was no reason for him to be upset or angry.

His own expression cleared and he returned his gaze to the other man. "Will you join us?" he asked.

Ren's eyebrows shot up beneath the lock of dark hair that fell over his brow.

Hawke told him where they were staying and repeated Fenris' invitation. "Will you come?" she asked.

He briefly inclined his head. "I will," was his only answer before he turned and walked away.

"Thank you," Hawke told Fenris on a breath.

"Yes," he said. "And perhaps before our guest arrives this evening, we might have a little chat."

She smiled at him, despite the butterflies playing in her stomach. "Of course," she said.

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

Really, she had never imagined Varric as a nanny, but he was exceptionally good with the children. Melody adored him and Farrell was absolutely fascinated with Bianca. So it was that Hawke and Fenris found a few quiet moments later that afternoon as the children were entertained by their dwarven "uncle" while they chopped the vegetables in preparation for their evening meal.

"I find it interesting that no mention of this former fiancé has been made in all the years we have been together," he said without preamble.

Hawke bit her bottom lip to keep from smiling at his candor and set down her knife next to the pile of carrots she'd been chopping. She turned to him. "Would you like to know why?" she asked.

"Yes, I would," he replied with a hint of impatience.

"Because it was over long before I met you," she said simply.

"And you did not marry this man, because…" he prodded.

She took his hand and led him to the small wooden table in the corner of the kitchen. Once seated, she did not release him. "When my father died, Fenris, everything changed for me. The life I had planned with Ren felt childish, meaningless."

"So you ended it," he said gruffly.

"I did," she replied with a nod. "To be honest, it was as if someone had turned off a switch inside me and everything I'd been feeling for him simply… vanished."

"My impression is he did not feel the same," remarked Fenris. "I believe he harbors feelings for you still." He looked down at their joined hands. "I did not want to invite him here," he admitted.

"Ren was a fine young man, Fenris," she said with a sigh. "If what you say is true, I want him to see me happy, meet Melody and Farrell."

"What will that accomplish?" Fenris asked as he raised his eyes to hers once more.

"Unless he's changed very much, he'll be glad for me," she explained. What she needed to say next was necessary, but she did not like it. "You know how other elves and humans feel about us, Fenris. This was the third house we enquired about and you know why the first two turned us down."

His grip on her hand tightened. "You think his bigotry causes him concern for you?"

Hawke shrugged. "We shall see when he arrives tonight."

"I will ensure no harm comes to my family, Hawke," Fenris said rather fiercely.

"I know," she said and leaned in to kiss him. "So will I."

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

Fenris watched as Hawke greeted their guest, Melody in the crook of his arm, Farrell holding tightly to his hand. When the man placed a kiss on his wife's cheek, he felt the lyrium under his flesh burn, though he was careful to control that it did not glow.

Hawke turned to them and said, "Ren, these are our children, Melody and Farrell."

Fenris nearly smirked as Melody buried her face against his neck. Usually very outgoing, apparently his daughter liked this man no more than he did.

Ren walked over to them and focused his attention on Farrell, who was staring up at him with a very broody little expression. This time Fenris had to swallow the laughter that arose in his throat. Like father like son, he thought.

"Hello Farrell," Ren said, his tone cautious but friendly.

"Hello," Farrell replied in his clear little voice. "You should not kiss Mama," he added.

Fenris wasn't sure if Ren was startled by Farrell's command of language or by what he'd said.

"What?" asked Ren in surprise.

"Papa doesn't like it," explained Farrell.

Was it wrong that he was proud of his son? Fenris thought not. But his thoughts were of Hawke as he said in a bored drawl, "Ren is your mother's friend, Farrell. He was simply being  _friendly_."

Farrell did not reply and he could see Hawke was struggling for something to say to ease the tense situation when Varric came bustling into the room.

With his usual lack of tact he said, "So, this is the old boyfriend." He eyed Ren speculatively for a moment before he stuck out his hand, "Varric Tethras at your service."

Ren took the offered hand. "Ren Bedell," he returned. It seemed the man's face would wear a perpetual look of surprise and consternation for the entire evening.

Fenris nearly chuckled at Varric's words. Really, he had not thought this visit would be quite so entertaining, but between the children and the dwarf, he was having trouble keeping his face schooled in a polite mask.

Hawke, her cheeks pink, said, "Dinner will be ready soon," and she ushered them all into the small sitting room. Melody still cling to him in a death-grip, but Farrell chose to sit next to his mother, sandwiching himself between her and their guest on the narrow sofa. He continued to stare up at Ren with a slight scowl on his face.

Once they were all seated, Varric wasted no time in ferreting information. "So Ren," he said, "What was our Hawke like as a little girl?"

"Why do you all call her Hawke when her name is Mari?" asked Ren.

"I'm right here," said Hawke. "No need to speak around me."

Varric chuckled. "Going to explain it to him, Hawke?" he asked.

Hawke glanced at Farrell beside her and then to Melody, who was now peering up at her mother rather cautiously. "I think that tale is best left for another time," she said meaningfully.

Fenris listened with interest as Varric prompted the man into talking about Hawke as a child in Lothering. Carver's name came up quite often, and even though her smile never faltered, he could see the lines of grief in his wife's face.

Satisfied that Ren was no threat to his family, it was Fenris who eventually took the children up to bed after dinner. He could not say his jealousy was entirely gone, but with the help of the twins and Varric, most of his good humor had been restored. As soon as they were in the children's room, Melody began singing and chattering in her usual way.

"Make him go 'way, Papa," she sang. "way, way, way!"

"Away," corrected Farrell, and then added "Will you, Papa?"

"When you wake up in the morning," Fenris told them, "He will no longer be here."

Melody planted a loud kiss on her father's cheek. "Love you, Papa," she said before sliding under the covers and closing her eyes tightly, as if in a hurry to get to sleep and make the man go away.

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

"Why Mari?" asked Ren once they were alone. "Why would you choose tie yourself to…"

"Don't say it, Ren," Hawke warned. "It will end this conversation."

"I just don't understand," he said running a hand through his hair. "I don't understand why you left me, why you didn't come to Denerim when the Blight hit." He paused and took her hand. "I would have protected you and your family, Mari. You must know this."

"We barely made it out of Lothering alive, Ren," she told him. "We escaped to Kirkwall, where my mother had family."

"Kirkwall?" he said. "There was a lot of trouble there a few years ago…" he began and then a look of comprehension dawned on his face. "Hawke," he said, "that's why they call you Hawke… you're… you're the Champion of Kirkwall, aren't you?"

Hawke sighed. "Yes, but I would not wish that fact widely known."

"I can't believe that was you!" he exclaimed. "Is it true you blew up the Chantry and started the Mage Rebellion?"

Hawke shook her head. "No to the first and not exactly to the second," she replied.

"What…" he began.

"If you really want the story, invite Varric over for a drink sometime," she said. "I really don't want to talk about this, Ren."

"I see," he said stiffly. "Very well, then."

"And I must ask that you not speak of who I am," she continued. "It could endanger my family," she said.

"You really have changed, Mari," he said. "You're not the same girl I fell in love with, are you?"

Hawke laughed without humor. "Perhaps that girl died with her father," she said. "Or perhaps she died in the Blight as you always thought." She shook her head. "No, I have her memories, but through long struggle and much loss, I have come to be my true self, Ren. I have found my true love."

Ren cleared his throat, and changed the subject slightly. "You have beautiful children, Mari," he said. "Your daughter is the spitting image of you."

"I wish she hadn't been so shy," Hawke replied. "Melody is usually a delight."

"I don't like to admit it," he said shaking his head sadly, "but it's obvious how much he cares for you and your children."

" _He_  has a name," she scolded.

"Yes, well," said Ren as he stood, "Please extend my thanks to Fenris for this evening."

Hawke stood as well and moved to the door, glad to have this day done. Before he left Ren kissed her again, this time briefly on her lips. "Goodbye, Mari," he said, and was gone.

Hawke ascended the stairs feeling emotionally exhausted. She really hoped Fenris was not in a talking mood because all she wanted to do at this point was put this long, stressful day behind her. It had been so long since she'd remembered the details of her years in Lothering, and to have them come flooding back to her in the visceral form of her first love, had elicited a return of the grief over everyone and everything she had lost since then. She longed for her sister, her only connection to that time. Perhaps tomorrow she would write a letter to Bethany, who she knew would understand just how difficult this reunion had been for her.

Hawke opened the door to their bedroom, and there was Fenris, lying on the bed dressed only his smalls, his arms folded beneath his head. She could not read the expression on his face, which made her nervous; rarely could she not read his mood. She saw desire in his eyes, but thought there was something else, as well.

"Fenris?" she questioned as she shut the door behind her. "What is it?"

With that grace that was so natural to him, he unfolded himself from the bed and came to stand before her. "I have been thinking," he said.

Her heart began to beat a rapid cadence in her chest. "Thinking?" she asked with some trepidation.

"Yes," he growled as his hands moved to the buttons on her blouse. "I've been thinking about how often it is that the most painful things in life lead us to what we cherish the most."

Hawke remembered her thoughts of just moments ago – thoughts of loss and pain and grief – and as she looked at her husband she suddenly understood his expression. They'd both suffered so much, lost so much, and yet they had each other, belonged to each other. It was gratitude that shone from his eyes along with the passion. Her heart lifted, and she said in a teasing tone, "Hmm, this cherishing thing, could you show me?"

"Gladly," he said as he continued to undress her.

And he did, long into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

A voice as smooth as honeywine whispered in Hawke's ear. "My dear Champion, how well you are looking."

Hawke quelled the instinctual urge to pull her daggers and turn. Instead she continued to look forward and replied silkily, "Why if it isn't the elf with the pouty lips."

"You forgot to mention how ridiculously handsome I am," he said and stepped into her view.

"Zevran, isn't it?" Hawke asked with a smile.

"Zevran Arainai," he confirmed with a slight bow and a pouty grin.

"So, did you win your war in Antiva?" Hawke asked him.

"Wars in Antiva are never won or lost," he said with a shrug, "You simply survive or die. I am well known for surviving." He looked at her speculatively. "What brings you to Denerim, Cham…"

Hawke interrupted him. "Call me Hawke please, Zevran," she said.

"Ah yes, of course. I understand you," he said smiling at her.

Zevran had snuck up behind her as she'd been perusing the new display of daggers at the Weapon Smithy. It seemed everyone from her past was finding her in Denerim – it had only been a few weeks ago that Ren had found her in the market, and now here was the former Antivan Crow, who she'd once helped to free when his former brothers had placed a contract on his head.

"So tell me, Hawke," he said, a long finger idly stroking his chin, "that elf with the strange markings…"

"Fenris?" she supplied.

Zevran laughed heartily. "Of course, Fenris. Does he continue to jealously guard your… affections?"

Hawke laughed. "I haven't seen you in years and the first thing you want to know is if I'm willing to take a tumble?"

Zevran placed a hand to his chest. "You will forgive me if your beauty overwhelms me," he said with a dramatic sigh.

"Will I?" she said with a laugh. "Yes, I suppose I will. You're too charming for your own good."

"Does that mean you will grant me the fondest wish of my heart?" he asked hopefully.

"No, it doesn't mean that," she replied. "Fenris is my husband now."

Zevran staggered back. "No!" he exclaimed. "Tell me the most beautiful woman in all of Thedas is not taken!"

"You're taking this a bit far," Hawke said with a smirk.

Zevran laughed. "You think so? Hmm, I shall have to reconsider my tactics."

Hawke smiled. "Why don't you come home with me? Meet my family."

Zevran looped his arm through hers. "I would be delighted."

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

Melody was instantly fascinated with the Antivan elf. Unlike the day Ren had come to visit and her daughter had barely lifted her head from her father's shoulder, when Zevran walked into the room where Fenris sat reading a storybook to the twins, Melody instantly squirmed down from her father's lap and ran up to greet him.

"Who are you?" she sang in her sweet little voice.

Hawke noticed both that Fenris lift one eyebrow in question, and that Farrell was busily watching his father's reaction to this new person.

Zevran knelt down on one knee and offered his hand to Melody. He said, "I am Zevran. And what is your name, little girl with the beautiful voice?"

Melody giggled. "Melody, Melody, Melody!" she sang. She also took his hand, much to Hawke's surprise.

Zevran lifted Melody's small hand to his lips and kissed it. "My pleasure, surely," he said.

"You have ears like Papa," said Farrell from where he sat on the sofa. "You're an elf."

"Ah, you know my secret," said Zevran. "And though your ears do not show it, the blood of the Dales surely runs in your veins."

Hawke bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. She had no idea what her son would make of that. Clever as he was, that was still a lot for a little boy not yet three to take in.

Farrell looked down at his own arm as if inspecting it for blood, and then up at Zevran. "What are the Dales?" he asked seriously.

"You do not know of the Dales?" Zevran asked in mock surprise. "We shall talk long on this subject later, my new little friend." He turned to Fenris and said, "It is good to see you again, Fenris. May I congratulate you on capturing the finest prize in all of Thedas?"

Fenris eyed Zevran warily, but offered his hand. "Zevran," he said by way of a greeting. "You may congratulate me, but there was no  _capturing_  involved."

Zevran's laughter echoed through the room, causing Melody to giggle again. "You are right, I am sure," he said beaming at Hawke.

"Well, if it isn't elf number two," exclaimed Varric as he sauntered through the doorway. "I thought you were in Antiva fighting wars or something."

"Varric, yes?" said Zevran. "Still at the Champion's side, I see."

Varric smirked. "No better place to be, my friend." He said and glancing at the twins he added, "Especially with these two around."

"Beautiful, clever children to be sure," agreed Zevran. "So, the great adventurer has settled into a happy domestic life, yes? There are those who would never believe it."

"What do you mean?" asked Hawke.

"Even nearly three years later, I hear the rumors," he replied. "Every time another Circle falls, people say it was the Champion behind it."

"Zevran," said Hawke. "Perhaps we could delay this conversation until later?" She glanced meaningfully at the children.

"Of course, my dear Hawke," he said. He grinned down at Melody and held out his arms to her. "Something tells me you like to fly, beautiful Melody."

This time Hawke was no longer surprised when her daughter jumped into Zevran's arms and squealed in delight as he lifted her and spun her in the air.

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

It had been three weeks since he'd been to visit Mari and her family. Three weeks to reconcile himself to the fact that his first and only love was alive after all – alive and happy with a family of her own.

He was not becoming reconciled. It was getting worse, not better.

Ren had actually considered inviting that dwarf out for a drink in hopes of finding our more about the life of Mari Hawke since she'd left Ferelden so long ago. In the end, however, he had thought better of it. Varric seemed an astute sort of fellow and Ren was more than a little concerned that the dwarf would pick up on his near obsession with Mari.

Although the memory of her had remained strong in his heart these many years, ever since he'd seen her in the marketplace she was all he could think about. In fact, he'd gone so far as to hide in the shadows of the alley and watch as she shopped with her family – her laughter reaching his ears where he hid, the sound of it both a blessing and a curse.

Her family.

The children didn't bother him, especially the little girl who looked so much like her mother, despite her shy ways. Neither one of them looked elven, thankfully, except for maybe the little boy around the eyes.

What bothered him was that elf, Fenris. The thought of him touching his Mari… It was too much. That she could give herself to a blasted knife-ear was like a dagger in his heart.

He thought he had comported himself well enough in their presence. He hoped he had not revealed too much of his true feelings, though he knew Mari was aware of his concern that she'd married an elf. If only there were some way to removed that elf from her life. Surely she would then turn to him – a man who loved her and who owned a thriving business - someone who could care for her and the children in their need.

If only there were some way. He was no fighter himself and he had seen the large sword in its stand on his visit to their small home. He knew Mari preferred smaller blades, had often watched her practice with her brother, so by process of elimination the sword must belong to  _him_. To the elf. And of course Mari mustn't know that he had anything to do with… with what? Exactly what was he thinking of doing? His thoughts seem to be out of his control.

"Get ahold of yourself, man," he said aloud to the empty bedchamber where he now paced.

But the idea had been planted and he could not seem to let go of it. There were many unsavory types in Denerim. Many skilled mercenaries who, for the right amount of coin, would do the job that he himself could not.

_Maker save him._

Ren crossed the room and knelt before the locked chest that sat at the foot of his bed. He fumbled with keys until he managed to unlock it, open the lid and pull out a large, leather sack. Rising, he dumped the contents onto his bed, listening to the clank and clatter of coins as they slid across the blankets. A lifetime's worth of scrimping and saving covered the bed before him. Hundreds of gold sovereigns glittered in the soft lamplight. He picked one up and examined it thoughtfully.

Perhaps he would make some inquiries. Find out how much it would cost to have a man killed.  _An elf killed._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Hawke was putting the twins to bed and Varric was down at the Pearl gathering stories while Fenris sat penning a reply to his sister's latest letter. When Zevran entered the room he put his pen down and turned in his seat to face him.

"Ah, I did not mean to disturb you, my friend," said Zevran and made as if to leave.

"You do disturb me, but not in the way you think," replied Fenris.

Zevran laughed and sat in the chair by the cold fireplace. "Perhaps you have something on your mind, yes?"

"I do," replied Fenris. Zevran had spent the entire day with his family, and Fenris had been more than a little surprised by how much he had enjoyed the other man's company – his good humor, his way with the twins. Melody had laughed and sang and played with Zevran for most of the day, and he'd also kept his promise to have that long talk with Farrell about the Dales. And yet… "I don't entirely trust you around my wife," he said.

"Of course you don't," Zevran said and laughed again heartily. "She is a priceless gem among women, is she not?"

Fenris weighed his next words very carefully. Only with Hawke and the twins had he ever been able to express his emotions freely. What he was about to say next would be a true test if he could ever learn to trust Zevran. Trust a former assassin, no less. But he knew of this man's involvement with the Hero of Ferelden, the Gray Warden now married to the King. Perhaps there was more to him than being a former Crow. So, he would offer Zevran the truth. "To me," he said gruffly, "she is  _everything_."

The smile died on Zevran's lips and he studied Fenris seriously for long moments. "I understand you," he finally replied and rose from his seat. He stood before Fenris and said, "True love is a rare and beautiful thing, yes?"

"Yes, it is," said Fenris simply.

Zevran extended his hand. "I promise you, my friend, I would never harm a family such as yours,” and Fenris was surprised by the sincerity in his voice.

Fenris nodded and clasped Zevran's hand in his.

"What's this?" asked Hawke as she breezed through the door. "Making pacts behind my back?"

Zevran laughed and said, "Making promises, my dear Hawke." He turned back to Fenris and said, "And I always keep my promises."

**FROM THE JOURNAL OF VARRIC TETHRAS**

I have to admit I didn't have very high expectations about this trip to Ferelden. Yeah, I know it's Hawke's homeland and the Hero of Ferelden stopped the Blight, blah, blah, blah. Maybe I'd heard too many stories about the dogs and the dirt. Maybe I'd seen just a few too many downtrodden refugees living in Kirkwall's sewers. Who knows?

Fortunately, I have been pleasantly surprised. Denerim is a busy, bustling city – just the way I like them. Plenty of interesting stuff going on if you know where to look, and the best place to look is The Pearl.

Part bordello, part tavern, The Pearl is at the center of everything that is  _unofficially_  happening in Denerim. I've been spending a great deal of time there, except when I'm playing nanny to the twins.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Maybe I don't seem like the type who'd enjoy hanging around with urchins, but if you'd ever had the privilege of spending time with those two yourself, you wouldn't wonder why they're my favorite people in all of Thedas. Hehe. Or maybe I like them so much because they're shorter than their Uncle Varric, you never know. Look, just take my word for it. Plus, there's the added bonus that Bianca's never been so shiny since Farrell's taken over her polishing.

Of course, wherever Hawke goes, some sort of drama or trouble is sure to follow. Not long after we arrived, Hawke's old boyfriend showed up.  _Awkward_. I did my best to be my usual charming self, but something about that guy had the back of my neck prickling. Fenris tolerated him stoically, for Hawke's sake I'm sure, but the twins were none too fond of him either. Problem is, I think Hawke may have a slight blind spot when it comes to Ren. I don't trust him. Maybe there's nothing to worry about because he hasn't been back since then.

Hawke though, she keeps gathering people to her like she always does. This morning she brought elf number two home with her. I remember quite clearly that little scene between Hawke and the two elves at the Antivan Camp, and was surprised that elf number one didn't go all glowy on elf number two's ass. I think it was the way my little Sparrow took right to Zevran that had her papa at his ease. When I came home from the Pearl tonight, Hawke was sitting drinking and laughing with the two elves like they were all best friends or something. Weird.

The funny part? When Zevran stood up to take his leave it was Fenris who offered him the last empty bedroom for his use. Elf number one is usually very prickly when it comes to who he will allow near his family.

Elf number two accepted the offer and is now happily ensconced in the Hawke Household. You really cannot make this shit up. A human, two elves, a dwarf and two little mixed blood urchins sharing a house. Only in Hawke's world – hehe.

Just for the record, I'm kind of glad elf number two is staying. That prickly feeling at the back of my neck hasn't gone away and from what I remember, he's pretty good with his daggers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

"What have you done?" Ren asked, although there was no one in the empty print shop to hear him.

The smell of ink and new parchment was a comfortable, familiar one, which is why he was in the shop instead of upstairs in his home. Ever since he had paid that tall, red-haired man [ _what was his name? what was his name_ ] to remove that elf [ _kill him murder him_ ] from Mari's life, it seemed as if he were suddenly two different people – that there were two different sets of thoughts in his head [ _she will hate you if she finds out_ ].

He'd come to the shop seeking solace, seeking sanity [ _there is blood on your hands – what have you done?_ ]. He'd given the man [ _his name was Gordon you fool_ ] a description of the elf [ _Fenris – he's Mari's husband_ ] and Mari's address and left the details of the act up to him [ _not an act – it is murder_ ]. He had no idea if they would fulfill the contract this night [ _he's the father of her children_ ] or tomorrow or next week.

If only he could stop the incessant chatter in his head [ _she will find out – she will kill you_ ] and calm himself, then everything would be fine. His Mari would soon be returned to him [ _those men could hurt her_ ].

Ren dropped to the floor, covered his face with his hands and began to sob.

_What had he done?_

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

Zevran was feeling entirely grateful to poor, dead Nuncio. If his former brother-in-arms had not tried to kill him he would never have met Hawke. In Zevran's opinion that would have been a terrible shame, indeed. He found himself in a very comfortable position among very entertaining and interesting people – and such delightful children the likes of which he had never seen before – all because he'd become his own man – a man who chose to live by his own rules.

Perhaps he really should direct his gratitude toward the Warden, because it was from her that he had learned the value, the satisfaction, of not only acting to please oneself, but living your life to help others as well. Such a fine, beautiful woman was the Warden. Even now he felt a hint of envy that Alistair had won her heart. He chuckled to himself as he navigated the darkened, twisting streets toward his goal. Just as his new friend Fenris had won the heart of the most beautiful and vivacious Hawke. He always seemed to enter the game after he had no chance of winning.

In truth, it was because of Hawke, or perhaps because of Fenris, that he was strolling the nighttime streets of Denerim on his way to The Pearl. He decided it was both their faults. Hawke for being such a delectable temptation to his very healthy libido, and Fenris for offering Zevran what few people ever had – honesty.

Ah yes, but a promise made was a promise kept, was it not? So, better to sample the ever so abundant wares at The Pearl than to do harm to his new friends.

It was at that exact moment that Zevran realized he was being followed by several sets of footsteps. Well, wasn't this an interesting turn of events? Usually in his experience when someone followed you, it was not a good thing. He had never been followed in order to be given flowers for example, or the gift a bottle of Antivan Brandy. No, being followed nearly always ended in someone’s blood being spilled and a mess to clean up.

Even as he entertained these idle thoughts, Zevran was preparing for the attack he knew would soon be upon him. Already he'd loosed a sharp throwing knife into his palm and had changed his cadence from a casual stroll to a rogue's prowl. Would his would-be attackers notice? An interesting question, surely, but he did not believe that they would. He had noticed them quite easily, hadn't he? These men surely did not know what they were doing.

The attack came just when he expected it would. The street here had many deep shadows and the windows of the buildings were dark, empty eyes peering out at the night. Zevran took out the first man with a well-thrown knife to the throat. If he really was the keen observer he knew himself to be, there were three more.

Two of them rushed him then, dropping all pretense of stealth and charged him with their shiny, sharp swords. A spin, a drop and a flip as his daggers sliced and stabbed at his assailants, and two more were down. What amateurs these fine fellows were! Zevran was behind the fourth man with his dagger at the man's throat in a matter of seconds.

"You really should consider a shave," Zevran said in the man's ear. "The mangy-beard look is not a good one for you, yes?"

"Don't kill me," the man pleaded in a choked voice.

Zevran laughed. Of course he did. "You are in luck, my fine bearded friend," he said. "Tell me the name of your employer and you will walk free this night."

"I…I don't…" he began.

"Oh, I can tell already you are not giving me the answer I seek," Zevran said. "Why don't you begin again?"

"Print shop," choked the man.

"Print shop?" asked Zevran. "Did you hit your head? You are not making sense."

"Gordon said the man at the print shop…"

Zevran pressed the blade more firmly to the man's neck. "Gordon was your leader?"

"Y-yes," he replied.

"And a man at the print shop paid you to kill me?"

"Y-yes," he stuttered.

Zevran was truly puzzled. On the long list of people who he knew wanted him dead, he could not recall ever incurring the ire of a printer. Perhaps he had dallied with the man's wife, unknowingly? That could be true. It happened a lot, in fact.

"What were your instructions?" Zevran asked, loosening the knife very slightly.

"Kill the elf staying at Widow Hotchin's old place," the man said. He was practically sobbing now.

The elf? There were two elves living in that house, himself and Fenris. Suddenly Zevran wanted to speak to his new friend, and to Hawke. Perhaps they knew something of this printer man.

Zevran turned the bearded human around and studied him carefully. "If I ever see your bushy face again, you are dead."

The man nodded fiercely as his hand went to his throat. Zevran no longer cared. He stepped into the shadows and headed for his temporary home.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Hawke looked at Fenris and for the first time since she'd known him she envied him his ability to turn all blue and glowy. She was sure her face was red, perhaps even purple, and it was slightly possible there could be steam coming out of her ears – at least they felt hot enough that it could be so.

"Where is this print shop?" Fenris growled, and also glowed.

Hawke looked back at Zevran, who had just delivered the news that a  _printer man_  had hired thugs to kill her husband – thugs who had mistakenly attacked him instead. Very stupid thugs, apparently, attacking the wrong elf – one who happened to also be a skilled assassin. Not that the results would have been any different if they had attacked Fenris. Well, perhaps slightly different. There might be hearts and livers all over the ground in addition to the dead bodies.  _Maker_ , why was her inner monologue being so cheeky?

Zevran said, "Of course you want this man dead, my friend, but perhaps it will be better if we do not rush off in anger, yes?"

Fenris simply glowed more brightly, but he also looked at Hawke. She knew that despite the fact that it was his life that was threatened, he looked to her to decide how they should proceed.

Why had Ren done this thing? She hadn't seen or heard from him since the evening he'd come to dine with them. Surely whatever lingering feelings he had for her could not be strong enough to commit murder? Powerful enough to actually take a contract out on her husband? Yes, her first impulse was to rush off and find him – put a dagger into his heart, actually – but there was another, perhaps more rational part of her mind that wanted to know just what was going on here. Both elves were staring at her, waiting for her to speak.

She took several slow, deep breaths and allowed her anger to dissolve. She felt the tingling warmth of resolve flow through her muscles until they were calmly alert.

The first thing Hawke did was approach her glowing husband- her fierce warrior. She placed one hand on his cheek and rested the other on his shoulder. "Fenris," she said softly.

As their eyes met and held she saw the transformation as it happened. He heard her wordless entreaty for him to master himself, to bring the lyrium in his flesh back under control. Gradually his markings began to fade, even though his expression remained rather fierce.

"And so the beauty tames the savage beast," Zevran said.

Fenris' gaze flew to Zevran, his face set in an impressive scowl.

Zevran held up both hands as he said, "That was not an insult, my friend." He smiled ruefully. "If only I had such a one myself, you see?"

Fenris only nodded curtly and, thankfully, his markings remained dormant.

Hawke looked at each of them, but her gaze was on Fenris as she spoke. “Ren's life is forfeit," she said calmly. "But I need to speak with him first."

"Why?" Fenris asked in toneless growl.

Hawke didn't have to think before answering, "Because he was once a decent, honorable man." Unfortunately she found herself needing to add, "And because I once cared for him."

Fenris grunted and shook his head.

"Hawke," said Zevran, "This man is dangerous to others and to himself, if only because of the size of his stupidity. He his a mad dog who must be put down."

Fenris grunted again, this time in agreement.

"His life is forfeit," repeated Hawke. "But I will hear him, nonetheless."

"We must go now," said Fenris, his anger clearly visible in his voice and on his face. "If he learns his plan has failed he may run."

"I cannot help but agree," said Zevran.

"We can't leave the twins alone, and who knows where Varric is?" said Hawke.

"He is at The Pearl," said Zevran. "Of course he is."

"I will retrieve him," said Fenris and he started to move.

Hawke gripped his arm. "Bad idea, you going off alone," she said.

Fenris stopped, but she could feel the tension radiating off of him.

"The children are asleep," said Zevran. "And though surely I would prefer to accompany you, it would be my honor to protect them while you are gone."

This time Hawke glanced at Fenris, waiting for his leave.

Now Fenris hesitated. Hawke could almost hear his internal struggle and had to admit to that she was not entirely without misgivings herself. They had known Zevran for such a short time, and there was nothing more precious to them than Melody and Farrell. To put the twins lives in Zevran's hands would be a leap of faith – one she was not sure she was ready to make. Truthfully she would have preferred him to accompany them, yet she too felt the urge to move quickly.

"You do not insult me with your hesitation," said Zevran. "I would expect no less. Words will not make you see the truth of my heart, but I offer them to you sincerely." He stepped toward them. "Only if I am dead will any harm come to your children."

Hawke looked to Fenris, and again their eyes met and held. So much was said between them in those moments. Their doubts, their duty, their love… all expressed without the need for conversation. Only with Bethany had she ever experienced anything like it. They both wanted to trust Zevran, that was clear – but the price that would be paid if that trust was misplaced… She knew in the deepest part of her heart that Fenris would never risk the children, so she let him know the decision was his.

Fenris turned to Zevran and studied him for long moments, and the other man stood unflinching in the intensity of his penetrating gaze. After a time that was probably only minutes but felt like hours, Fenris lifted his hand and extended it to the other man. At that moment, however, a ruckus at the front door had all their heads turning toward the sound. A few seconds later Varric appeared in the doorway and as he took in the scene, a low whistle sounded from between his teeth.

"Who died?" he asked.

It took some time to explain the situation to Varric, but it wasn't that much later when Hawke left the house, the two elves close at her side.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Hawke stood gazing up at the tall, narrow building that housed the print shop from the shadows of an alley across the lane. The lower floors were all dark, but a window just below the roofline shone with a pale yellow light. She desperately wished this whole situation could have been avoided. The last thing she wanted to do was kill the man who had once been her love – her first love. But she only need look at Fenris standing next to her and think of Melody and Farrell tucked safely in their beds and she knew the choice was already made.

"Zevran," she said, her eyes still glued to that single lit window.

"Yes, my friend?" he asked.

"Would you…" she hesitated, knowing that once she made her request of him, there was no turning back. She cleared her throat and began again. "I assume Ren lives above the shop." She pointed to the window. "I would ask you to secure him before Fenris and I join you."

Zevran lifted one eyebrow, but he nodded his agreement. "Of course," he said.

Hawke watched as Zevran moved to the door and within seconds he had opened it and slipped inside. She turned to Fenris.

"I hate that it's come to this," she said.

" _This_  was his choice," Fenris said in clipped tones. His anger had not abated and she could see that he struggled to keep control.

"I'm sorry, Fenris," she said. "You're right of course."

"You have nothing to apologize for," he replied. He glanced up toward the window. "I will do this."

"Am I a coward that I won't argue with you?" she asked.

Something in Fenris' expression shifted. His eyes softened and he lifted a hand to her cheek. "You are the bravest person I have ever met," he said.

Hawke thought that probably wasn't true, but she loved him all the more that he thought so. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his, intending only a brief kiss of gratitude, but apparently Fenris had other ideas. His arms went around her and he deepened the kiss with a low growl. When his tongue sought entrance, she opened for him and was soon swept away by his fierce possession of her mouth. When he finally pulled away and looked down at her, his eyes aglow with passion, it was all she could do to keep from dragging him into the shadows to finish what he'd started. It seemed Fenris was thinking the same thing, because he smiled for the first time since Zevran had told them of the attack on his life.

"Nothing will come between us, Hawke," growled Fenris.

She felt an answering smile curve her lips. " _Vir Adahlen_ ," she whispered. *

When they entered the room, Ren was sitting in a chair by the fireplace, a wild look in his eyes, his face pale as death, though there was not a mark on him. Zevran was leaning against the wall, a troubled look on his face.

"Mari," Ren said, his voice choked with emotion. "You've come back to me." He leaned forward in his chair, but did not rise.

Zevran spoke then. "This man is out of his mind. He does not speak sense."

"Mari, please," said Ren, extending a hand to her.

She looked at the man before her. There was no trace left of the bright, vibrant boy he had once been. Suddenly she did not want to know why he'd hired thugs to kill her husband. She did not want to know of his feelings for her or of his need to have her for his own. No. She wanted this over and quickly. It was clear that Ren was suffering in horrible torment, and that as much as anything cleared her mind.

"Why won't you talk to me, Mari? Please…" Ren continued on with his pleading.

Hawke looked at Fenris and nodded. She watched as the lyrium under his flesh began to glow, his face no longer angry but simply intent on his task. Ren cringed away from him as her husband approached the seated man with slow, measured steps.

"Mari, what's wrong with him, what's he doing?" Ren pleaded.

"Goodbye, Ren,” she said in a choked whisper.

Fenris' arm shot out and Ren's eyes went wide as the fist entered his chest. A soft grunt escaped his lips, and then he went lax.

For several moments no one moved or stirred, the three of them stood staring down at Ren's slumped form. It was Zevran who broke the silence. "It would be best if we leave, yes?"

Hawke nodded. Another piece of her past gone. A sudden desire to see her sister overwhelmed her, and she thought perhaps she'd had enough of Denerim, of Ferelden. It was no longer her home.

Fenris slipped an arm around her then, and she leaned into him gratefully as they walked out the door.

**FROM THE JOURNAL OF VARRIC TETHRAS**

Looks like we're cutting our trip to Ferelden short. It's a shame, really – I've enjoyed my time here, especially at The Pearl.

You know how it goes though, your husband kills your old boyfriend, who tried to have your husband killed and it takes all the fun out of a place. I guess it's not really something I should joke about, but with all the sour faces in this household over the past few days, somebody has to keep their good humor. Luckily I have the twins to keep me company, especially my little Sparrow.

Zevran left this morning, headed out to parts unknown. I think we'll probably see him again someday, however, because he and Fenris have gotten pretty thick. Zevran's not too bad for an elf. Hehe.

I do feel bad for Hawke, and for a couple of days there I couldn't get a smile out of her to save my soul. This morning she seems to have rallied, however, because when I caught her and Fenris in a lip-lock in the hallway, the smile she gave me when I cleared my throat was breathtaking. It was good to see, let me tell you.

We've book passage on a ship that leaves in two days. First we're going to Ostwick to see Rivaini and Pardus before Hawke's family goes back to Starkhaven to spend Wintersend with her family. I think I'll hang around with Rivaini for a while and see what kind of trouble we can get into. Other than this recent drama, of which I had no part, things have been a little too tame for my taste. Time to dip my fingers in a few pies and make some coin. Hehe. That's what I do, after all. Well, that and tell stories.

 

_**The story of Mari, Fenris and the twins continues on in Family Secrets...** _

* Elvhen for "Together we are stronger than one."


End file.
